I feel uneasy, queasy, sick to my stomach

kind of sleazy

I don’t want to act this impulsively

supposed to be taking care of my body

not disposing of all my positive coping skills

it kinda kills me that I don’t know how to deal with my trauma

or all the bad karma i’ve caused hurting other people when I hurt deep inside

at night I stay up and all I want to do is cry

what the fuck is this life that i’m living

my happiness always depending on other people who come and go as they please

what the fuck is wrong with me

i’m tired of all of this anxiety, panic attacks

thinking of all the areas where I lack

i’m impatient, an overthinker, a complainer

to this day I still don’t have a planner

I can’t get my shit together

just hope it don’t feel like this forever

they say “just wait six months, things always get better”

but i’m always making bad decisions letting my guard down following the wrong crowd

always getting my hopes up

get so drunk till I throw up

I want to be a different person

so many lessons to be learning

I make too many mistakes

how much more of this can I take, just wait

i’ll grow into the person i’m meant to be

all of you will fucking see